But I had to sit next to her tonight and she made me feel... not miserable... just remorseful.
I remember the times when I was younger and we hated each other, but at least she acknowleged me as an aquaintence.
I remember it was the last night of overnight camp, and I was sitting on my bunk writing a letter to her with all of our inside jokes around the envelope to keep myself from crying.
I remember when we used to be close.
I've stopped the anger and envy, but taken on a much more heart-tearing feeling. She reminds me of how everyone changes, and people who I would have never lived without are a distant memory now. It rips at me now, temporarily overcompensating for my hopeful college future.
Things aren't the same after she changed, after so many others changed.
Don't get me wrong, I know it's human nature for people to change and for teenagers to obsess over it... but even focused on one person it seems all the more devistating. Sort of like-- I'm still not sure why Lily's death struck me so hard and still does.
But I'm rambling now.